


it feels better biting down

by WelcomeToTheBadlands



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Self Confidence Issues, Soft Ben Solo, Thoughts of Self Harm Mentioned, soft rey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:33:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24301408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WelcomeToTheBadlands/pseuds/WelcomeToTheBadlands
Summary: Ben Solo couldn't help the fact that he had a mental disorder. He also couldn't help the fact that he was prescribed a lot of heavy-duty narcotics at a young age to deal with his problem. Looking back at it, he wondered how it took so long for him to get addicted. He's really trying to get better though, he's really trying. He doesn't want to disappoint his parents anymore.Ben is lonely a lot of the time.And then he meets Rey.Rey knows what it's like to be lonely.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 5
Kudos: 40





	1. i brace myself, because i know it's going to hurt

**Author's Note:**

> I want to reiterate that reading the tags is necessary. While nothing I am going to write is exceedingly graphic, I will be talking about some pretty heavy topics and I really don't want anyone to get triggered by anything that I wrote. Proceed with caution. It won't make me feel bad if you skip this fic.

Ben Solo had been given the short stick in life. At this point, he had been sure of it. By the time he was eight years old he had been hospitalized for panic attacks. Things started to go down hill from there. It was a slow destruction after that. His mother told him that he would need medicine, and she started working from home more. “Is there something wrong with me?” He’d asked her one night. At the time the two of them were home alone. Han was a truck driver and worked long hours, a lot of the time he wasn’t home, these were the types of conversations that Ben and his mother would have.

“No, sweetie.” His mother would tell him. “A lot of creative, smart, and funny people struggle with the same thing that you do but that doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you.” Ben wanted to ask her like who, because no one he could think of came to mind, but he just stayed quiet and ate the rest of his casserole before going to bed.

If he was being honest, he didn’t remember much between the ages of eight and twelve years old. After he got on his medication, he would space out a lot more than he was used to. And then he changed doctors. Ben couldn’t remember why but the medicine was affecting his school performance and they were looking into switching him to something else, even though Han didn’t really want to, after a while both he and Leia were receptive into looking into something else for him.

At the time Ben thought it was because he was too much of a handful. He was thirteen when he was switched to a much higher dosage of something that he could never remember how to pronounce, as well as Ritalin and some other medication that he didn’t remember. He just remembered that he was up to the point of having to take five pills every day. Sometimes he wouldn’t talk for two or three days, there was a lot of schoolwork and Ben was moved into Pre-AP classes as he prepared for high school, and things started piling on top of each other one by one.

Ben Solo used to be a straight A student. His mother told him that he was one of the smartest people that she knew, but he was pretty sure that that wasn’t the case, he just really hated the idea of failing. So much so that when he would get a C on a test he would have to do his best not to hyperventilate. He would spend two hours after school going to tutorials for every class that he had. He never joined any clubs, and he never talked to other students, he would just make sure that his grade was always at least a ninety-five, because any lower would start to give him anxiety.

He didn’t really have friends, there was this one girl Kaydel that no one else really liked that would sit next to him at lunch. Ben never really knew why people didn’t like her until one of the bullies in middle school had called her something wildly homophobic, she was always such a nice and cheery person and for all of eighth grade she would do her best to engage Ben in conversation. The thing was that his anxiety was so bad that he never really talked to her or thought of her as a friend. She moved away after that. Ben always felt bad that he had never been more of a friend to her, because she really tried. He felt like a shitty person for not putting more of an effort in, but at the time he was always half falling asleep by lunch time when the two of them would sit together. He wouldn’t have been a good friend at that time either.

When Ben got into high school, that’s when the destruction reared its ugly head. He was a freshman with a promising future. Leia always talked about he was smart enough to get into Harvard. Han always talked about how Ben was doing a lot better in school than he had ever been, and how he was proud of him.

Ben knew that they meant well, but it would always make him feel sick to his stomach when they talked about that, because he would feel like he had too much to live up to. He started having really bad anxiety attacks again, but he would try and hide it because he was scared of worrying his parents, scared of having his medications amped up again because he already felt awful.

There came a time where Ben had to make a choice, because he felt like he couldn’t deal with everything and he just felt too much and it was so overwhelming for him that he would bite the edge of his blanket to stifle his cries at night before he fell asleep. It was a stupid thing to do, an impulse judgement. He didn’t even really remember what was going through his head, but he knew that his mother also took Xanax for headaches that she had.

She rarely ever used them though so she wouldn’t notice if some of them went missing.

That’s how it started.

The disaster.

He thought that he could manage it. He was managing his anxiety so he could manage this. Right? Wrong. He started to spiral out of control. He realized that he couldn’t keep stealing from his mother, but he needed more. That’s when he met Armitage Hux. Hux was a drug dealer, he had dropped out of high school early, much to the chagrin of his absurdly wealthy father. And now he was making money by selling drugs to teenagers.

He was also known as one of the only reliable sources to get any sort of substance in the city. Ben got a job so that he didn’t have to steal from his parents. He already felt like shit about that. All of his money was going one place though, towards getting more pills, and later upgrading to opioids. He also got to know Armitage more at that point.

It turned out that he was really just trying to get enough money to move him and his mother away from his father, who had a penchant for hitting his wife and his children. “I want to be a chemical engineer,” Hux had told him once. Ben had told him that he thought that it was possible, Hux sold the purest substances Ben had ever seen, not the opioids though. The opioids he brought from a corrupt pharmacist that wanted to make more money.

When Ben came over for more, he and Hux would talk a lot. Sometimes they’d play video games and smoke weed when both of them were having a bad day. It was kind of weird, being friends with his drug dealer, but Ben was so fucking lonely and had no one else to talk to, so he was welcome for anything resembling friendship.

Things started to get worse for Ben.

His parents started noticing him retreating more, being at school and at work, and losing a little bit of weight. They asked him if he was okay, and he swore up and down that he was fine. He felt like shit for lying. They seemed to believe it though, maybe more because they wanted to than anything else. He started to change, though. He started to get more irritable, and there would be times that he would say stuff that he didn’t even remember saying.

He started getting in more trouble. At school. At home. He couldn’t take it and eventually quit his job, he told himself that he needed to try to stop this, because he didn’t like the person he was becoming. He didn’t like the look on his mother’s face when he said something stupid that hurt her feelings. The first time that he experienced withdrawal, he was fifteen. He lasted all of about twenty minutes before he texted Hux and told him that he needed something.

**H: It’s one in the morning, man. Are you okay?**

**Ben: Yes. Are you available?**

**H: Yeah.**

**Ben: I’m not going to have all the money for you this time.**

**H: Just give me what you got and I can spot you on the rest _._**

Ben went over that night. When Hux met him outside, he said, “You don’t look so good, man.”

“I’m fine,” Ben said, “I just need some more.” Hux raised an eyebrow and then handed over the drugs. Ben handed over the money. “Is that enough?”

“Yeah, you’re only five short. So I’ll let it slide. Just try not to do it again, okay?”

“Okay.” Ben drove off after that. The relief of getting a hit after being dopesick is something that Ben couldn’t explain. But he was numb, and his body didn’t ache, and he wasn’t as fucking cold as he had been before, and he could relax.

He could relax.

He couldn’t relax for long though, because his grades started to slip. At first, it was just from A’s to B’s. And his parents weren’t so worried about that, but when he started getting C’s and D’s, that’s when they sat him down and started to talk to him.

That didn’t get so well.

Ben didn’t like talking about what happened that night.

Or for the whole week for that matter. That fight happened on Monday. Ben accidentally overdosed on Friday. And then his parents knew. There was more hiding the fact that Ben had a problem. He felt utterly mortified when he woke up in the hospital, he was greeted by a nurse and his mother’s friend, Amilyn Holdo. She was the only one that wasn’t crying. She was fixing some of thing when his eyes fluttered open and he got whereabouts of his surroundings. “You’re awake,” She grins at him even though he just overdosed and felt like shit. “Your mom went to the bathroom and your dad is going to get you some food, because he swore that the hospital food was shit. He’s right.”

Ben felt utterly mortified, but he didn’t take it out on Amilyn. She was just doing her job. “How are you feeling?”

“Like shit,”

“Yeah, well. That about tracks,” She said, “you took a lot.”

“I’ve taken that much before,” Ben said.

“It reacted badly with the medication that you already took, that’s why you OD’d.” Ben was silent. Amilyn checked his clipboard and then said, “I’m about to send your mom in here. Just warning you,”

“How am I going to look her in the eye?”

“You just got to do it kid,” Amilyn told him, “yes, it sucks. But you got to do it. I’ll be back here to check up on you later. Okay?”

Ben nodded and Amilyn went outside right as his mother came up. Ben didn’t really like reliving what it was like talking to his parents after his first overdose. He had tried so hard then to make it seem like he was sorry and that he was going to get better, and in a way, he was sorry. He was sorry that he worried them so much. He was sorry that he continued to be such a failure. But he didn’t plan on getting better.

The thing about rehab was that it doesn’t really work unless you really want to get better, and something in Ben’s mind was still telling him that he needed those drugs to be able to function. He went through all of the motions and everyone was really impressed with his recovery, and he was released faster than he should’ve been. Back then, after he had had his first overdose, he hadn’t even considered how his mother might feel when he went back to Hux’s house for more drugs. Hux looked at him weird and said, “Hey, Solo. Where’ve you been?”

“Around,” Ben told him, “you got anything?”

“Just weed right now. Want to smoke?” Ben could deal with weed.

To him there had never really been that many addictive qualities to it, it had never really been that strong. It was just enough to take a little bit of the edge off, but not all of the edge. “Sure,” Ben smoked and played video games with Armitage before school that week, and then the oncoming storm began.

Leia and Han had told him that they were always there for him and everything, but they were going to require him to start taking drug tests. “What the fuck?” Ben said as soon as he heard that.

“Ben, honey, calm do—”

“You literally just told me one breath that you trusted me and then turn around and all the sudden you want me to take piss tests?”

“Ben,” Han said, “stop it.”

“You—” Ben shouted back at him, “you don’t get to fucking dictate any part of my life! You’re barely even fucking here!”

“Ben, this is for your own good. You need to realize this,”

“Maybe if you cared about my own fucking good you wouldn’t have made sure I was medicated so badly that I could barely think by the time I was fucking eight, Mom. But you didn’t, and now look at where we are.” There was a lot of fighting back and forth before they both finally left the room and Ben was left alone.

The next day he brought some clean pee from Hux. “Are you sure that this is clean?”

“Yeah,” Hux said. “It’ll get your parents off your back.”

“Thanks,” Ben said.

“No problem, man. Will you be free to hang later?”

“Maybe not for the rest of the week, I got into a fight with my folks.”

“Okay then,” Hux said, “well. Hit me up when you need me.”

“Thanks, man.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

For most of sophomore and junior year, there wasn’t any more problems. Ben kept himself on a high at an altitude that flew just under the radar. Just enough to feel numb. His parents were still wary of him, but it seemed that things started to be getting back to normal. Han tried to stick around more, because he obviously felt guilty. Ben never apologized for what he said to him.

He had meant every word of it.

It wasn’t until the end of junior year when things really started to get worse. His parents finally gained enough trust in him to let him leave without taking a drug test, and Ben went to a party. It was the first thing he did. He went to a party where he knew that there was going to be drugs.

Ben tried cocaine.

He hadn’t in a while, so it was different this time. It was odd, having that hit. It didn’t last more than twenty minutes, and that’s why you had to take more and more and more to feel things. Ben did a line, then one, then two, and then suddenly he felt something that he hadn’t felt for a while. For a second, there was this extreme high where he felt happy, and then he couldn’t breathe. For a second, his heart stopped. He was sitting on a couch as a party was going on around him, and sort of out of it.

It was then that Ben realized that was the feeling that he had been chasing for all of his life. That feeling when everything around him was quiet, and his vision tunneled just a little bit. And then air came into his lungs again, and he was aware of his surroundings and how loud everything was. It just so happened that Hux also happened to be there and when Ben left, Hux said, “Hey. Ben, what’s going on?”

“Oh, Hux.” Ben shrugged, “hey.”

“Hey man, how are you?”

“I uh—I’ve been better.” He told him.

“I feel that.” Hux said. “Are you good to bike or no?”

Ben’s kind of swaying a little bit and said, “Uh—probably not.”

“Put your bike in the back of my truck and I’ll give you a ride,”

“Thanks,”

Ben didn’t remember a lot of that night, but he remembered coming home and Leia being up. She asked, “Where’ve you been?” Ben was too tired to answer, so he didn’t. “Young man, where have you been?”

Ben went up to his room and closed the door, falling down on his bed.

The next few weeks went like this before he ended up in the hospital again. Amilyn was there again when woke up. “We really need to stop meeting like this,” She said, “how are you feeling?” Ben cried this time.

Leia and Han were there too. They were silent for a moment when Amilyn left. He’ll never forget what happened next. He shouldn’t have said it, he wasn’t provoked, but he said, “You should have let me die.” Leia burst into tears as soon as he said that, she tried to speak but couldn’t and then ran and left the room.

Ben told himself that he was actually going to try this time. He was going to get better because he hated the way his mother looked at him after he said that. He hated the way his father stared down at him, biting the inside of his cheek.

This time it was harder to get out of rehab, and he had to do his coursework inside as well, but this time he was honest in therapy and really tried. He really wanted to get better, and he thought that he was going to. He really thought he was. When Leia picked him up from rehab when he was released, Ben made it about ten minutes before he started crying in the car. Leia parked, “Hey. Hey, are you okay?”

“I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Sweetie,” She started wiping his tears and crying too, “sweetie, it’s okay. It’s okay.”

“I did so much hurtful shit,” He said, “god I’m such a piece of shit. I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“Hey, Ben. Listen to me, you are not a piece of shit okay? Stop calling yourself that,” She had tears in her eyes as she made Ben look her in the eyes. “You’re not a piece of shit, it’s okay. It’s okay,” It wasn’t okay, but Ben told her that he loved her and then Leia said, “You want to go get some ice cream?”

“I don’t deserve it,”

“Ben,” Leia cocked her head to the side, “I say that you do. And I want to get ice cream with you. Okay?”

“Okay,” They got ice cream, and when Ben went home, his dad had just gotten there from an extra long haul from work. He approached Ben warily but hugged him when he got close enough. Ben felt like he was going to cry again. He tried his best not to. “Hey, dad.”

“Hey, son. Sorry that I couldn’t make it to the center,”

“It’s fine,” He said.

“I did uh—” Han broke off of him “—I did get you something though.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah uh, I stopped at this small bookstore place because it looked like something that you would like and uh—they had these—” He moved and went back to his car and brought out some Agatha Christie novels and an ornate leather bound journal. That’s when Ben started to cry again.

“Thanks,” He said, tears stung his cheeks and Han hugged him again. “I’m sorry for all of the shit that I said,”

“It’s okay, kid. I forgive you,” He was so emotionally exhausted that day, and so were his parents. They bought pizza and watched a movie and didn’t talk about anything else. Ben fell asleep on the couch, his head on his mother’s shoulder. Ben really wasn’t proud of himself during that time. He struggled pretty hard to make it through senior year.

At first, he wasn’t on his medication. He was so scared to go back on it because of the way he acted. So far, Ben was doing okay. He changed his schedule so that there was less stress on his plate, and that seemed to work. At least for a little bit. The panic attacks started again, and then after that, the withdrawal.

Ben hadn’t really gone through a whole withdrawal before without caving, but this time he really tried. He got really sick, he wasn’t sure how to describe it, but he remembered throwing up three times in a day, and he couldn’t get up without crying, because everything in him just hurt. He was so determined to make it through this, he was so sick.

He had made it through his first withdrawal without anything happening, but he missed almost a week of school. Ben didn’t remember much, just how humiliating it was, how low it was. And then he only got lower. He got to the point where he couldn’t take it anymore, and he texted Hux.

**Ben: I need a hit.**

**H: Haven’t you been in rehab?**

**Ben: That hasn’t stopped you before.**

**H: I don’t know, Ben.**

Hux ended up moving, and at his lowest point Ben was there, knocking at his door. Hux’s apartment had a glass door, and then another door after that. Hux opened one of the doors and gave Ben a strange look, he looked him up and down and then just said, “No.”

“What?”

“I’m not selling to you, you look like shit.”

“Please, Hux. I have the money this time, I—”

“No,” Hux closed the door and Ben was left standing there. He wasn’t thinking clearly enough at that point.

“Hux, open the door.” He knew that Hux was on the other side of the door, listening to everything that Ben was saying. “Hux, please. Open the fucking door,” He could feel a panic attack coming on. He really wouldn’t be here if he didn’t need it.

“Ben,” Hux said, “I can’t do that. Just walk away,”

“What?” There was silence on the other end. In his head, he couldn’t understand why Hux was doing what he did. “What the fuck? Hux, just open the door.” There was silence on the other side and Ben pounded on the door. He didn’t care if someone called the cops at this point, he was at the point where he didn’t care about a lot of things. “Hux, open the fucking door.”

“I can’t do that, you’ve been in rehab and you were doing good, man. I can’t do that.”

“Oh, so you’re doing this because you fucking care about me?” Ben shouted. “I find that real fucking rich,”

“Ben,”

“You don’t fucking care about me,” Ben said, “so just open the fucking door and sell me the fucking drugs.” There was mumbling on the other side of the door. Ben was knocking too much on the door to be able to hear what Hux was saying.

“I can’t do that man,” Hux finally told him, “you’re like my fucking brother and I don’t want to do this anymore.” And then there was silence. Ben was left there for a minute, with a lot of anger in him and a lot of anxiety before he just broke down.

“You don’t get to fucking say that,” He told Hux. He wasn’t even sure that Hux was listening to what he was saying anymore. “You don’t get to fucking say that you care about me,” More silence, Ben almost walked away at this point, but he wanted it to hurt. He wanted Hux to hurt as bad as he was hurting. “I can’t believe you,” He shouted, “you’re doing this because you fucking care about me? If you ever cared about me, you shouldn’t have sold me the fucking drugs in the first place!” He pounded on the door one last time and then stopped.

It was clear that Hux wasn’t coming out.

Ben left.

That was the last time he saw or texted him after that.

Ben went another week clean, he didn’t know how he did it, but he did it. And then he relapsed. The thing was he couldn’t even remember where he went or what he did, but he remembered that he came down from that high feeling so much worse than he had felt before. It was getting close to the end of senior year at that point, and when he was done he went home and just cried.

When his mother got home he told her what happened, because he wanted it to be over.

He just wanted it all to be over.

He was done disappointing his parents, done hurting them, he hated hurting them.

Ben was surprised when he graduated, he really was. He didn’t think that he would live that long. He remembered Han and Leia crying when they took pictures of him in his cap and gown and he just felt like shit the entire time. He wanted to be free of this pain.

But it seemed like for now, there was no end in sight.

__

Four months after graduation, Ben was still at home. He was taking a year off from the whole school thing, maybe longer. He wasn’t really sure yet. He hadn’t had a desire to get into drugs again, but he also hadn’t been near them in a while. That was on purpose.

Ben barely ever went out of the house unless he was running errands with his mother. He went to therapy, and he went home, and sometimes he earned commissions by editing videos for people, and that was most of his day. He didn’t really have anybody that he could talk to besides his parents.

He would talk to them every day. He wanted them to know that he was trying to get better, he really was. He wasn’t going to be a disappointment anymore. Even though his parents insisted every single time that he was not a disappointment, he still felt like one. There was a lot of things that he had done, a lot of mistakes that he had made, that he felt like he could never make up for.

He was trying to manage his depression and his anxiety without his medication, and that was hard. That was really hard. Sometimes he would get overwhelmed doing something and just feel a panic attack coming on again, and he would feel useless.

He started to run a lot.

It was really the only way that he could cope with everything in him. He put a tracking app on his phone so his parents knew where he was, because he wanted them to know that he wasn’t going to do anything stupid. He really wanted them to think that he could get better.

His therapist told him that perhaps he should go to some social outings, meet new people.

Ben was scared of doing that.

The last time he tried to make a friend, it ended in the worst way possible.

He never really told anyone about that, though.

He told his parents once, “My therapist said that I should get out there and meet other people.”

Leia was the first to say, “I’m all for that.”

“Me too,” Han said. Ben toyed with his food.

“Wow, okay.”

“What?”

“Nothing,” He shrugged.

“What?” Leia asked.

“It’s stupid,” Ben told her, and then he paused. “It’s just—I don’t know where to begin.” Ben neglected to say that he doubted that anyone his age would even remotely like him, or that he was a burden and he didn’t want to force other people to have to deal with him. It was implied, though. He was pretty sure that his parents knew what he was thinking.

“Ben, you’re a perfectly sweet person. I think that it’d be great for you to go out and make friends, granted they be the right type of friends, you know—but still. I think that you should get yourself out there.”

“I don’t know,” Ben said, “I mean—when most of the kids my age hang out somewhere, there’s almost always drugs involved. Even if it is just weed, I don’t want to be around that.”

Leia and Han were silent for a moment before Han said, “I think that you can’t really spend the rest of your life not doing anything because there’s a chance that something might be there. Because what if it’s not?”

“Don’t pressure him.” Leia said.

“I’m not, I’m not.” Han said. “I’m just saying,” He shrugged and Ben kept toying with his food.

“I guess you’re right,”

Ben tried to go out a little bit more.

He went places where he thought that he wouldn’t see any drugs, or any alcohol. For the most part, he would try and make friends. He met Rey five months after graduation. He didn’t know at the time that it would be the best thing that had happened to him.

Ben hadn’t been to a party in a really long time. He didn’t really even like it, but he just wanted to be around people, and he had been told that there wouldn’t be any drugs around. Just alcohol. Ben was fine with liquor. He didn’t really care about it at all, so he wasn’t worried about it.

But when he got there, something was different, something was off. Ben didn’t really remember the details of the party. He was spaced out for the most part, but not because he had taken anything. He was just genuinely feeling—out of it. Like that kind of depressed where you don’t really feel sad, or happy, or angry, or anything.

He was drinking water from a bottle he had brought with him, kind of standing in a corner and not really caring about anything that was going on. And then he saw it, some girl came into the kitchen to do a line. Ben started to feel a panic attack coming on, and before anyone could notice him, he left.

It was then that everything got quiet, and Ben could only focus on the fact that he couldn’t breathe. He went outside, and he almost didn’t hear or see her. It was about the third time that she said, “Hey, dude.” In a slightly British accent that Ben noticed the girl that had been sitting on the porch on her phone.

She got up off her seat and approached Ben, keeping a healthy distance between the two of them. “Hey, are you okay?” Apparently, he looked like shit, because a complete stranger noticed that he was about to have a breakdown. He was getting better at forcing himself to calm down though, which he had never really been able to do before.

“Uh—no.” He was shaking a little bit. “Sorry I—sorry.”

“No, no.” The girl said, “It’s okay.”

“I’m Rey, what’s your name?”

“Ben,”

“Ben,” Rey repeated, “can you tell me what happened?” Ben had no idea why she wanted him to tell him and then she said, “You don’t have to tell me, it’s just—you look a little bit sick and I want to make sure that you don’t need paramedics,”

“Oh, um—yeah I don’t need that I just got really anxious and I couldn’t—it’s really embarrassing. I think that I’m just going to leave,”

“Okay,” Rey said, “you have a car—”

“I was just gonna take an Uber.” There was a bit of silence for a moment before Rey spoke again.

“Sorry, uh—I could drive you home if you wanted.” Ben raised an eyebrow, “I don’t know, I just hate the idea of taking an Uber when I’m anxious and I think that it’d kind of suck—so. I can drive you home, I’m sober.” He looked her up and down, and he could tell that he was.

“I don’t want to inconvenience you,”

“I was only here because one of my coworkers asked me to come, but I’m bored, and I was planning on going home. It wouldn’t be an inconvenience.”

“Um—okay.”

“That’s only if you’re comfortable,” Rey told him, “if not that’s fine.”

“What’s your car?”

“It’s just a twenty fifteen corolla,”

“Okay,” Ben said.

“You ready to leave?”

“Yeah,”

“Okay,” Ben ended up getting in the car with Rey. It was a lot nicer than he expected and he could tell that Rey really liked this car, she took care of a lot considering how clean it was. They were silent for a few minutes as she pulled out and went down the street when she gave her his phone.

“Do you mind putting in the address?” It was already on Google Maps.

“Oh, yeah.” He did and then set the phone down in one of the little cupholder things and was silent for a minute. “So do you just give people rides all the time when you see them upset?”

“No,” Rey said, “not necessarily. You just looked like you needed it,”

“I really do look like shit, don’t I?” Rey grimaced and glanced over at him.

“I mean, to be fair, your looking like shit is like—not that bad. You just looked like you were about to cry,” Ben was a little bit embarrassed at that, but she wasn’t looking at him with a look of pity on her face. It was more a ‘I don’t really know what to say in this situation’ look. An expression that he had made before many times. “Sorry, I’m not making it better. Am I?”

“Uh—it’s okay.”

Rey smiled a sympathetic smile and said, “Are you hungry? Because I am, I haven’t eaten and there’s a McDonalds coming up ahead.”

“Oh, uh—sure.” Ben hadn’t eaten at all either. Rey gave him a sheepish smile and then pulled in and ordered herself some chicken nuggets and fries.

“What do you want?” She asked him.

“Oh, I don’t—”

“What do you want? Come on, it’s fine.”

“Oh, okay. Uh I’ll just have the same.”

“Cool,” She doubled the order and then ordered him a Sprite as well. When Ben tried to give her money she said, “Nah, it’s good. I just got paid.” He tried again one more time and Rey told him that no, seriously, it was fine. They pulled out with two orders of stuff and started driving to Ben’s house. Ben didn’t realize how hungry he was until he practically devoured everything that he had ordered, and then Rey asked him if he wanted the rest of her chicken nuggets and he ate those too.

He sipped on his Sprite and wondered how a person could be as laid back and chill as Rey was, because it was kind of weird, but he was also extremely grateful for it. Rey talked to Ben like she had known him for a long time. It was soon that the awkward small talk died and it was more jokes and talking about her job and all that.

Apparently Rey worked a job restoring old cars, and on the side she also did some commissioning for crocheting and knitting. Which was a weird combination, but she said that it paid well and she liked having the side income. “I don’t know anything about cars,” Ben admitted, “but that’s cool.”

“Thanks,” Rey beamed, it was pretty clear that she was proud of what she did. Ben wished he had something like that that he was proud of. “So, do you have any hobbies?”

“Uh—not really,” Ben lied.

“Something tells me that you’re lying, but that’s okay.” Ben sipped a little more on his Sprite and smiled softly.

“I mean—I do like baking, but I don’t really consider that a hobby, really.”

“Do you do it for fun?”

“Yeah,” It was one of the things that he was actually kind of good at, and his mother always loved it when Ben baked things for dessert.

“Then that’s a hobby,” She said. “What do you liked to bake?”

Ben thought it was lame but it got him off of thinking about the party and his anxiety. He talked about how he liked to bake cakes and his favorite part of baking was definitely the decorating, he said that he just found that part the most relaxing of everything. Rey was smiling and listening to him talk intently as he talked to her about a pink lemonade cake that he had made for his mother for her birthday last year. “That sounds pretty awesome,” She said, “my kitchen is atrociously small so I’ve never gotten into that sort of thing before, but I have mad respect for you.”

They talked a little bit more before they finally reached Ben’s house and Rey parked her car. They sat in the car for a minute before Ben said, “Thank you. Really.”

“It’s no problem.”

“Yeah, still.”

“Uh—do you want my number?”

Ben didn’t know what to say.

“You know, just in case you need another ride. Or if you just want to hang out or something? If not, it’s cool.”

“I’d really like that, actually.” Rey gave Ben her number and bid him goodnight, he went up to his house and walked in with his Sprite from McDonalds.

“Hey, kid.” Han said. “How was the party?”

“It sucked,” Ben said. He and Leia were watching Cheers in the living room and Ben came over.

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” He said, “some girl did a line of coke in the kitchen right next to me.” Leia’s eyes went big and Ben said, “Don’t worry I didn’t touch it, I got out of there.”

“Why didn’t you call one of us to pick you up?”

“I wasn’t really thinking straight,” Ben said, “and I was going to get an Uber, but I was really upset. I met this girl though—her name was Rey. I think she was British or something because she had a really pretty accent, she was sober and asked me if I wanted McDonalds. Hence the McDonalds, and then brought me home.”

“Wow,” Han said, “well that was nice.”

“Yeah it really was,” Ben sipped at his Sprite more. It was kind of weird when he finished it because he still wanted to ride that emotional high of someone doing something really nice for him. “Anyways, do you have any more of those tests?”

“Yeah,” Leia said, “you don’t have to take one though. I believe that you didn’t do anything,”

“I’m gonna take one,” Ben said, “I have to pee anyway.”

He took the test with Han standing in the bathroom to make sure that he wasn’t going to do anything stupid. Ben remembered when this had all started, how he hated it when Han would stand there. Now it was normal, Ben didn’t say anything as he zipped up and let his father do the test. Ben washed his hands as Han prepared it and set it down. When the negative sign came up his father turned to him and said, “You know, son. I’m really proud of you.” Ben smiled faintly and the two of them went back out into the living room. “It was negative,” He told Leia.

Leia smiled and Ben sat down next to her, putting his head on her shoulder. “I love you kid,” She said.

“Thanks,”

“That Rey girl seemed like a really nice girl too,”

“Yeah she was,”

“Maybe the two of you will run into each other again and you can hang out.”

“I have her phone number,” Ben said.

“Really?”

“Yeah,”

“Smooth.”

“Mom, please. I just met her.”

“I know, I know. I just have to be a little hard on you, mom duties.”

Ben rolled his eyes and hugged his mom, falling asleep on the couch again.


	2. it's nice to have a friend

Rey Johnson was sure that she had something wrong with her when she was younger. At a young age her mother had been hit by a car, her father left her in a gas station like she was a piece of trash to be discarded. It was like as soon as her mother died, a switch flipped in her father’s brain and he decides to stop caring about her.

Things seemed to go downhill from there. Going into the system was never an easy thing to do. That was true for Rey Johnson as well. Rey was the type of girl that parents would initially want but give back later. Rey was a petite little girl with beautiful brown hair and wide doe eyes and a pretty smile, and she could charm anyone in a room easily. That’s why she ended up in a home really quickly.

But the people taking care of her soon found out about her issues. Rey couldn’t deal with being alone. She was scared that the woman taking care of her would die in a car crash, just like her mother. And she wasn’t really great at trusting men either. It was understandable with how her father had left her, but the people taking care of her soon grew tired of all of her issues and she went back into the system.

This seemed to happen again and again, a vicious cycle that Rey never really got used to. All of the abandonment repeating itself over and over again manifested itself into something ugly. When Rey Johnson turned thirteen, she was fed up with the world and all of the shit that it had to offer. She now lived in America and had been to more homes than she cared to admit.

It was then that she got adopted by a family.

At first things looked like they were going to be good for her, that people were going to accept her. She was ready for a family. That’s not what she got. It seemed as soon as CPS no longer had their eyes on her home, they took that as a personal invitation to use Rey as their servant. They basically took away most of her rights as a person, and even though she fought back a lot, they almost succeeded in snuffing out the fire that was inside her.

Rey was fifteen when she ran away from home.

She had to grow up a lot quicker than most. She lived for one year in her car, and then got a shady job. She learned rather quickly how to make ends meet, and by the time she was eighteen she had enough money for a two-bedroom apartment, get her GED and a better job. She told herself that she wouldn’t let her adopted parents win, she wouldn’t let all of that anger and depression that had been forced onto her rule her life.

She was going to be successful.

She was going to make sure that no one around her ever felt the way that her parents had made her feel. Rey wished that she could undo all of the damage that her parents did to her, but she couldn’t, so making other people feel loved was the next best thing.

__

When Rey met Ben Solo, she felt drawn to him. That was really the only way she knew how to explain it. She saw him looking upset, the porch light casting a shadow on his face. He looked like he was having one of those moments when he needed someone there, so she got up and talked to him. From there, it was something different. Rey had a good judge of character; she was always secure in her choices of who she associated with.

After so long spending a lot of time with abusive people, she had learned how to spot pieces of shit and toxic behavior, even when she just met someone. Ben wasn’t any of that. He was really nice, and quiet, and Rey immediately felt like she wanted to know him more. It was this feeling that she had never really had before but she just went with it.

That’s why she drove him home and that’s why he got him stuff to eat. That’s why she was now staring at her phone, waiting for Ben to text her. She probably should’ve asked him for his phone number, but she didn’t want to be presumptuous. “You should put your phone down and talk to me instead,” Rose said.

Rey knew that she was right, “Yeah, sorry. Sorry.”

“I’ve never seen you this way over a guy,”

“Yeah, because I’ve never been this way over a guy before.”

“Poor thing, you got a crush.”

“I don’t know if it’s really that,” Rey said, “I just really liked him—you know.”

“Isn’t that like the exact definition of a crush?” Rose raised an eyebrow and Rey sat upright.

“Anyways, so—you were going to tell me about the girl that you’ve been seeing. The long-distance relationship.”

“Right,” Rose said, “now that you’ve so graciously decided to listen.”

“Hey—”

“You know that I love you,” Rose giggled, and Rey rolled eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. Anyways—this super-hot girl that you’ve been seeing.”

“Yeah,” Rose said, “sorry. Her name is Kaydel and she’s the drummer for this band and she’s really hot and the two of us have been sort of dating for a month now and I just have a really good feeling about this.”

“That’s great,” Rey said, “show me a picture.” Rose was right. Kaydel was super-hot, like ungodly hot. Rose showed her a video of Kaydel telling Rose that she loved her and just proving how hot she was, once again. “Oh my god, you’re so lucky.”

“I know right, she’s so adorable. I love her so much.” Rey and Rose talked a little bit longer about Kaydel, Rose talking about possibly getting to meet her in a few months.

“That sounds like fun.”

“Yeah,” Rose said, “I wish that it would be sooner. But uh—yeah.” She blushed. The both of them continued to talk and then watched a few movies and then Rose left, going back across the hall to her own apartment. This had been happening for a while. Rey would get lonely, and so would Rose. That’s how they became friends. Rose heard Rey crying in her apartment and left her a chocolate bar and a note, telling her that she was right across the hall if she needed anything.

Rey initially didn’t say anything, but one time she found Rose in the hall crying her eyes out and shaking, and she immediately ran up to her. It turned out that she found out that her sister had died from a long fight with terminal cancer, and she really, really needed a friend. Rey was there, picking her up and helping her in her apartment as she had a breakdown.

Rey was never good at cooking, so she ordered some pizza for Rose and then proceeded to get DoorDash for her next three meals. When Rose tried to protest, Rey said, “It’s okay. Really.” Ever since, the two of them had been best friends. Sometimes Rey really missed her when she was gone, despite the fact that she was quite literally across the hall from her.

She kind of missed her right now.

Now there was just silence.

Rey looked back at her phone.

**ONE NEW MESSAGE**

She felt a soft smile spread across her face as she opened it and found a text from an unknown number.

**_Hey this is Ben. Sorry I just texted you, I slept in yesterday. I hope it’s okay that I texted you._ **

****

Rey pressed her phone to her chest for a second and then answered back that of course, it was okay.

**Ben: I’m glad. How are you?**

**Rey: I’m good.**

**Ben: doing anything in particular?**

**Rey: No, it’s my day off today so I’ve just been laying in bed for most of it.**

**Ben: Relatable**

**Rey: have you done anything today?**

**Ben: not really**

**Ben: some stress baking**

**Rey: you bake?**

**Ben: yeah, idk if that’s lame**

**Rey: no it’s not**

**Rey: that’s really cool actually**

The two of them talked a little more about weird tidbits about baking and then Ben said that he had to go, but he would really enjoy talking with her more later if she would want that, and Rey told him that she would of course, love that.

She couldn’t wait for more.

__

Rey and Ben ended up talking a lot for the past three days, and she learned a little bit more about him. She learned that Ben was shy and didn’t have any friends, but he was probably the sweetest person that Rey knew and she really, really wanted to tell him that she was more than willing to be his friend. She also learned that Ben had a really weird sleeping schedule.

Which was fine.

Because she did too.

Sometimes he would still be wide awake when she was just about to fall asleep though, and that concerned her.

It wasn’t until the next Friday when Rey had a free day that Ben texted her and asked her if the two of them could hang out. She was there almost as soon as she got the message, texting him that she was there. He was out the door in another minute, getting into the passenger side. “Hey,” He said, “sorry for the late notice.”

“It’s okay,” Rey said, “how are you doing?”

“I’m okay,” He told her, “just tired.”

“Same.”

“Sorry about—just asking like that. If I was interrupting something—”

“Ben,”

“Yes?”

“You weren’t interrupting anything, so…it’s okay.”

“Okay,”

“You don’t have to be nervous,” Rey told him. He bit his lip and nodded before buckling his seatbelt.

“I’m sorry—I’m being weird, aren’t I?”

“No, not really. You just seem like you don’ t do this very often.” Rey told him. “It’s fine, we can just chill out where ever you want.”

“Uh—okay,”

“Ben,”

“Yeah?”

“Breathe,” He looks her over once and then his shoulders relax as she begins to drive away from her house. “You live in a really rich part of the neighborhood,”

“Yeah,” Ben said, “sor—”

“Sorry for you parents being rich?” Rey cut him off and giggled a little bit.

“I don’t know,” He shrugged, “makes some people uncomfortable.” The two of them drove in silence for a little before Rey got into town. There was a specific place that she wanted to take him, one where she was sure that he would relax.

“You’re not lactose intolerant are you?” She asked.

Ben gave her a weird look for a second and then chucked, “No, no I’m not.”

“Because,” Rey said, “I’m craving a milkshake.”

“Okay,” Ben said, “that sounds great. But this time I want to pay,”

“You don’t have to pay,”

“I want to pay,” He said. “Please, I have money.”

“Fine, but I get the next thing.” She said. She ended up parking and the two of them got out of the car, Rey excitedly awaiting getting to get a milkshake with Ben. He started getting a little more relaxed as the day wore on. The two of them got milkshakes and just talked for what seemed like forever. And it was natural.

After the initial anxiety that Ben had, she learned that he was genuinely a funny person and she really, really liked hanging out with him. And then it was over. It was started to get late and Ben wanted to go back home. Rey took him and thanked him for paying for the milkshakes and watched him go back into her house.

She already couldn’t wait to see him again.

__

“So, how was your date?”

“Oh my god, mom.” Ben rolled his eyes. “It wasn’t a date.”

“Oh, relax.”

“We went out for milkshakes and just talked for a really long time and that was it,” He said, “there’s nothing to make a big deal out of.”

“It’s just your mother’s shocked that you finally talked to a girl.” Han said.

“Oh my god, not you too.”

“Just sayin’ kid, didn’t know when it was going to happen.”

“You’re very funny,” Ben rolled his eyes. “I’m gonna go to bed,”

“It’s seven o’clock,”

“Tired, been socializing all day.”

“Okay well wake back up for dinner,”

“Maybe,”

“Definitely.” Leia said.

“Okay,” With that, he went back to his room.

When he lay down in bed, he was still thinking about Rey. He wondered for a minute if that was weird, and then tried to write it off as nothing. Rey was kind and sweet and probably the first real person that had ever shown interest in being a real friend to him since Kaydel. He wanted to make sure that he did better with Rey than he did with Kaydel.

Rey deserved better. Hell—Kaydel deserved better, wherever she was. Sometimes Ben still thought about how he should’ve tried to be a better friend to her in middle school. Then he would remember that he was highly intoxicated on drugs through all of middle school and could barely even remember a single thing that happened during that time. It was all just this big stain in the middle of his memories that he couldn’t really pull up.

He really didn’t have the mental capacity to be a friend to someone back then.

Although he wasn’t too sure that he had much capacity to be a friend now. He wasn’t taking his anti-depressants and his anxiety medication. He and his parents had decided that it would be better to navigate with just therapy at the moment as he was adjusting to his sobriety.

The thing that scared him was that he wasn’t sure that he had the capacity to be a friend even now. He still felt like a burden, even though he tried his absolute hardest not to be. Another thing that scared him is what Rey would think about him when he told her everything about his past.

She would definitely judge him.

Maybe think that he was a terrible person. And some ways, he guessed that he was, because when he wasn’t sober, he just kept hurting everyone around him and only terrible people did that. Right?

**Rey: Do you ever wonder if aliens have it better than us?**

His phone dinged and he stared at the message for a minute, wondering why she opened with that.

Then he answered.

**Ben: No, because then I’d be jealous of aliens.**

**Rey: Ha**

She went silent for a second and then continued to text.

**Rey: Sorry for being random like that, I was just thinking about how when I was little I wanted to be an astronaut. Not because I wanted to report anything scientific or anything, I just wanted to live somewhere that wasn’t planet Earth.**

**Ben: Wow**

**Ben: While that’s relatable, I also think that space life for us humans kind of sucks right now.**

**Rey: you right you right**

**Ben: I mean have you seen Gravity? That doesn’t look fun**

**Rey: asldfkjsdlkfj**

**Rey: Yeah, that’s why I said I wanted to be an astronaut when I was little.**

**Rey: Not now**

Ben smiled a little.

**Rey: What are your stances on the moon?**

**Ben: What a weird way to phrase that question**

**Rey: It’s a valid question.**

**Ben: I think the moon’s really pretty**

**Rey: Same**

**Rey: You’re not one of those people who doesn’t believe we landed on the moon, right?**

**Ben: Oh god there are people like that? Seriously**

**Rey: Omg yeah**

**Rey: I lived with someone like that when I was in foster care**

**Rey: It was a fucking nightmare**

**Ben: I can only imagine**

**Rey: anyways you past my test**

**Ben: your test**

**Rey: yes you see if you admitted you didn’t believe the moon existed I would have sadly had to terminate our friendship**

**Rey: but as you hold no such belief I think it would be great if we continue to hang out**

**Ben: is your only friend marker ‘must believe in moon’ lmao**

**Rey: partially, but also being nice and funny is high up on the bucket list and you check those two boxes**

Ben started blushing.

**Rey: anyway**

**Rey: how are you**

Ben stopped for a second before he answered.

**Ben: honestly im really good**

**Rey: really?**

**Rey: that’s great**

**Ben: I hadn’t had that much fun in a while and we were just talking**

**Rey: amazing good im glad**

**Rey: so**

**Rey: you want to hang again?**

**Ben: I’d love to**

**Rey: I can pick you up on Sunday at 11:00? We could get lunch and then go see a movie**

**Ben: that sounds great**

**Ben: I’ll see you then**

He couldn’t wait.


	3. Chapter 3

After things with Rey had progressed a little, the tension between them seemed to die down a little bit. Ben stopped thinking about how he was going to fuck up everything and started to just enjoy everything that happened when she was with him. He and Rey found a few different places around the city every time Ben actually enjoyed himself. He had forgotten what it was like to feel happy.

Sometimes he just asked her if they could go on a drive, Rey never questioned him, she would just tell him when she could come by and pick him up. The two of them had developed this sort of understanding. If Ben was feeling like shit, Rey would wait for him to tell her what was wrong. It was just easier that way.

“So,” Leia began as Ben was getting ready to go out on another drive with Rey, “when are you going to let us meet this Rey girl.” Ben wasn’t sure how to feel about the tone of that question.

“Uh,” He started, “I didn’t really think about it that much.”

“Well,” Leia started again, “I think that she sounds like a really lovely girl and I would love to meet her sometime,”

“Sure,” Ben rolled his eyes and grabbed a plastic water bottle from the fridge. He was almost relieved when Rey texted him that she was outside.

“Welp, I gotta go.”

“Okay, sweetheart. Love you. Have a good time with your _friend,_ ”

Ben was blushing really hard by the time he went outside and joined Rey in the car. “You doing okay?” She asked him.

“Yeah,” He said, “sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” Ben shrugged as he buckled his seat belt and Rey just raised an eyebrow at him. “Anyways, so I was thinking of things that we could do and like—what movie we could go watch and I thought it would just be a lot more fun if we went there and picked the first thing that looked interesting. What do you think?”

“Sounds fine by me,”

“Great!” Ben wondered how Rey was always so cheery when they would meet up. It was a mystery to him. She started asking him how his day was and everything, and he hated the fact that he felt like he had nothing interesting to say when he was with her, but she seemed engaged and always listened to him whenever he spoke.

Sometimes he asked himself why she was friends with him.

He wasn’t all that special.

“You want to stop so we can get snacks to sneak in,”

“Sure,” He said, “I can pay.”

“I’m more than happy to—”

“You paid for the last stuff, I want to.”

“Okay,” She said. They stopped at a Walgreens and went in together, picking their favorite sweets and drinks. Ben paid and they were back on their way. They ended up picking some movie they didn’t have to pay too much attention to and went inside. Talking the whole time and joking with each other.

Ben didn’t remember much about the movie at all. All he remembered was Rey putting her head on his shoulder and holding his hand and his brain kind of shorted out there. He just thought that maybe she was really affectionate and wrote it off as him overreacting.

Afterward, Rey insisted on treating him to lunch. He told her he could pay for himself, but Rey told him that she got paid recently, and would really just like to treat him. He said okay after she insisted.

They went to a quiet café that made really good sandwiches. “Are you sure this isn’t too expensive?”

“I’m sure,” Rey giggled, “please just order whatever you wanted to.”

He did, and the two of them ate and kept talking. Ben would tell her a little bit about himself, but not too much to bore her. She was a lot more interesting to talk to than he was. She still listened to everything with this quiet intenseness that he was mesmerized by. He wondered what he did to deserve someone so nice coming into his life like this, but he couldn’t think of anything.

He just kept making mistake, after mistake, after mistake.

Finally, they started going back home. Rey was still as perky and high energy as ever. “So,” She said, “did you have fun?”

“Yes.” He said. “I really did. A lot of fun,”

“That’s good,” She grinned and kept driving, “I had a lot of fun too. You’re great to hang out with,” He wanted to tell her that she didn’t have to lie about it. He knew that he tended to be a bit of a burden. He didn’t say anything though because he didn’t want to say anything too depressing that would turn Rey off or make her upset.

She still noticed the look on his face when she said that, and she pointed it out. “What?”

“Nothing,” Ben said.

“You’re thinking about something, what is it?” Ben was quiet for a minute before he just shook his head and told her that he didn’t want to talk about it. “Okay,” Rey said, “well. Thank you, again. For hanging out with me, I really liked blowing off steam with you and it was really fun.”

“Thanks,” Ben said. He wondered how he managed to not utterly blow it. He had never had an actual friendship that lasted this long. Besides the pseudo-friendship that he had with his former drug dealer. (He told himself that he wasn’t going to get into any relationships like that again.) Rey was just so easy to talk to that he kept thinking that there was going to be some ultimate punch line to him getting to know and like her the way he did.

Maybe when he told her about his past, she would turn around and run away screaming. She deserved better than being friends with someone who was dead weight and could probably relapse at any moment if his mental health got too fragile. “So,” She said, “When do you want to hang out again?”

  
“I don’t know,” Ben shrugged, “whenever you’re free.”

“So, next Friday?”

“Yeah, that will work.” He said.

“Okay,” She smiled again, Ben felt his heart flutter. “Cool.” They finally got to his street and Rey stopped. “Can I hug you?” She asked him.

Ben felt like that came out of nowhere. “Uh—sure.”

“Great!” She reached across the seat and squeezed him tight, in what might’ve been the best awkward hug that he had ever had in his life. When she let go, he missed the feeling of her being in his arms. “Have a good night, Ben.”

“You too, Rey.” He said. And then he got out of the car.


	4. an almost date?

Ben knew that he needed to tell Rey about his background. It kept coming to his mind every time that she would text him. Every time that she wanted to hang out. Sometimes, when Ben was alone and he was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, he would think about Rey and he would feel bad about the fact that he didn’t tell her about the things that had happened in his past. He knew that in a sense, he wasn’t really obligated to, it wasn’t like they were in a relationship or anything. 

But Rey was the only person that Ben considered a friend, she was the person who took the time to make sure that he was okay when he was about to have an anxiety attack. She made him feel like an actual person when he felt like he could barely function around the house. For the most part, Ben would stay at home or in bed, only coming down to eat and make sure that his parents didn’t worry about him too much. He didn’t have any motivation to do much else, but when Rey would swing around, she would never push him to do more than what he wanted.

Sometimes she would just ask him, “Hey, do you want me to come pick you up so we can drive around a bit?” 

“Yeah,” Ben would usually say, “that sounds good.” 

And it might sound boring to some, but Rey and Ben would spend late nights driving around for about three hours. The two of them would talk to each other or just sit in silence and listen to music. Ben learned more about Rey than he had known before. More about how she had basically become successful despite the people that had raised her. She had become emancipated as a teen and worked from there, got an apartment, and a job that she liked, and she said that for the most part, she loved her life. “For the most part?” Ben asked her. 

“Yeah,” Rey nodded, “for the most part.” 

“What do you wish that you could change about your life? If you don’t mind me asking,” 

Rey smiled sadly and glanced at him for a second, “No I don’t mind you asking. Uh—I just get lonely. You know?” Ben related more than he would like to admit. 

A month passed. 

Finally, there was one day that Rey came over that Ben couldn’t keep her and Leia from not meeting. Leia opened the door while Ben was still upstairs, getting ready to come downstairs. He heard them talking and hurried up a little. Luckily, he could tell that Rey and Leia were having a good conversation. “Oh, here’s Ben.” Leia said. 

“Uh, hey..” He glanced at his mom as he slipped past her and over to Rey, “What’s going on?” 

“Oh, I was just saying hi to your mom,” Rey said. “We were talking about that Falcon that’s in the driveway, I was just telling her about doing restoration work on old cars.” 

“Yes, and I was telling her that she needs to come by later when your father’s home. He knows way more about that stuff than I do,” 

“I will,” Rey said, she turned to Ben and smiled. It was so wide and genuine that Ben’s heart melted a little. 

“Well, okay then.” He said. “I’m glad that you two met,” 

“You’ve got to come over some time, Rey. Ben talks about you a lot, I would love to have you over for dinner.” 

“You don’t have—” 

“That would be amazing, thank you!” Ben and Rey said their farewells to Leia and the two of them walked to Rey’s car. “Your mom is pretty nice,” Rey said. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah,” Rey was being so genuine that Ben felt his stomach drop a little. He wasn’t sure why he was so concerned about Rey meeting his parents. Maybe because he had never had a real friend that he could take home to his parents openly and have them not worry about them being a bad influence on him. He was so glad that Rey liked his mother and that she liked Rey. “Are you okay?” She asked. 

“Yeah,” Ben said. He got in the car with her and she started the engine. “Just got a lot on my mind,” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked. In all honesty, he wanted to talk about it to her. He wanted to tell her about every fucked up thing he had done and tell her that he had no idea why she hung out with him. He had no idea what she saw in him and why she was so happy to go out of her day to spend time with him because he felt like he was a piece of shit all of the time. 

He didn’t say any of that though. 

*

“Honestly,” Ben said, “I kind of don’t really know how to vocalize it. I do want to talk about it, I just don’t really know how yet.” When Rey heard this, she could relate. There were a lot of things that she had a difficult time vocalizing, and it had taken her a while to be able to be even able to talk about how she ended up where she was. 

So she wasn’t mad at Ben for saying that he didn’t know how to vocalize it, “Okay.” She said. “You know that whatever it is, eventually if you want to talk about it to me, that I won’t judge you. Okay?” 

“Okay?” Ben gave her a small smile, and whilst she wasn’t really convinced, she didn’t press it with her. She knew that it was better to just hang out with Ben and make him feel good in the process. 

“Okay,” Rey smiled. “So, I was thinking that we could get something to eat. And then maybe if you want we could go over to my apartment and watch some movies? I also have a PlayStation, but I haven’t had time to set it up and I haven’t played any of the games so that would take a while, but I mean—whatever you want to do.” 

“That sounds great,” Ben said, “and I would love to go over to your place so that we could hang out.” 

“Great,” Rey said, “it’s a plan then.” 


End file.
